E-Junkmail

Have you ever wondered what type of person writes spam emails? I think it would be kind of fun to write one, trying to use as many ungrammatical phrases and emotional pleas as are contained in most of the emails in my junk box. Here are a few favorite subject lines I found one day, as I prepared to empty my junk folder:

Regards.. (I just love this word – it’s so proper, and doesn’t really mean anything)

WHAT IS TO BE DONE: (According to the email, the answer to this question is to provide personal info to a gentleman in Hong Kong so he can send me 35 million dollars.)

The world wants to talk to you (Uh, hello world?)

Hide spy cameras to catch the culprit (Yes! I can finally find out who keeps throwing away the peanut butter jar before I can use a spatula to get the last few licks)

Got goals? Get grants to go back to school. Make your dreams come (For some reason this last phrase made me think of someone calling a dog. “Here dream! Come ‘ere boy!”)

And my personal favorite:

Re:BE CAREFUL OF THE HUDLOOMS///ARE YOU DEAD OR ALIVE? (Hold on a minute, let me think….yes, I’m definitely dead. I guess the hudlooms got me.)